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Ever feel as though technology has eradicated customer service? I spent most of today struggling to get our contact management system to spit out a particular list of customers for a sales promotion. Basic contact management stuff, right? Wrong!
First I tried the obvious - but of course it wasn’t. Obvious that is.
Then I read the User Manual - a 150 page PDF because the software company finds printing too expensive. I found plenty of oblique references to apparently non-existant tables and menus but nothing about how to create the kind of filter I needed.
When that didn’t work, I tried the website. Every technology company offers users an online knowledge base these days. It’s there - but I can’t access it until I cough up more money for a subscription.
Finally, I gave in and phoned tech support.
A studiously polite young man named Bryan answered the phone and asked for the mystery customer number that I most definitely do not have. He then asked about a dozen questions to find our record, at which point he confirmed that the customer number existed but didn’t see a need to share it with me. Bryan then explained patiently, as though to an idiotic 4-year old that I have to purchase the right to customer support but he’ll happily put me through to someone who will take my payment information. THEN Bryan put me through to Sam, who again asks me for the magical customer number.
Sam at least had the good sense to give me the mystery number so that I could write it down for future reference. Then she explained that
1.the minimum support level agreement would cost me more than the software itself,
2.that she wasn’t sure it could actually do what I needed,
3.that in addition to refusing to support its software, the company also refused access to the online support system without paying additional fees - also more than the cost of the program itself
4.But if I’d care to fork over my MasterCard, she’d gladly put me on a support plan at which point I could have access to information about how to use a software program I’ve already paid for, and she’d try and find out if I could do what I needed. But she wasn’t sure, because it really wasn’t a very common request!
At which point, I explained to Sam that before I wasted another minute, I’d hop right over to Future Shop and purchase the competitor’s product - which I could also put on my MasterCard for approximately the same price as the support level agreement she was offering me, thank you very much. And if she’d kindly give me the name of the VP in charge of customer service, I’d be happy to write a letter explaining what they could do with their version of customer support.
The VP’s name, of course, is top secret. Just like my customer ID number apparently - except that the VP’s name IS available on their website, for no extra fee! Methinks it’s time for an article on customer support best practises…
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